The Secrets of America’s Elite, Revealed

America is divided. The coastal elites who have controlled Washington and much of the nation’s economy were, with the 2016 election, resoundingly defeated by a newly invigorated populism, personified in Donald Trump.

As a member of this demoralized elite–I live and work within the Washington, DC Beltway–I recognize that the rest of America has a low opinion of my social class, and also recognize that, when it comes down to it, America, the real America, just doesn’t get us.

So, in an effort to begin healing that divide through increased understanding, I’m taking the risky step of breaking the coastal elite code and revealing our secrets to ordinary Americans.

What follows, made public for the first time, is our core cultural artifact. It contains all of our most cherished beliefs and values and informs the whole of how we view the world. It’s our urtext and our secret handshake.

I will likely get in serious trouble for revealing what I’m about to reveal. But I can’t let that stop me. With an outsider administration ascendant, with populism shaking off its shackles, I feel I have no choice but to do whatever I can to help those now taking the reigns of power better understand the people they’ve overthrown.

So, apprehensive as I may be, I plunge ahead in exposing our secrets. Here goes:

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